What Do You Really Want in Love? The Answer Might Surprise You

Do you know what you want in love? What you really want? Although many single people initially say they know exactly what they want in a long-term loving relationship, a deeper conversation often reveals something surprising: most don't have a complete picture of what they're seeking.

When describing their ideal relationship, people typically focus on qualities like instant chemistry, witty banter, laughter, or intelligence. These are wonderful attributes, and yes, everyone wants to experience that spark of excitement and passion that comes during the early stages of a new relationship, but these qualities alone rarely form the foundation of a long-term, committed, loving partnership.

During the first six months together, couples are often swept up in passionate chemistry, enjoying romantic getaways filled with laughter—usually before facing their first disagreement. This honeymoon phase is beautiful and important, but it's just the beginning of a much deeper journey.

What's particularly interesting is how perspectives shift when we ask people what they admire in other successful relationships. Suddenly, the qualities they mention are quite different from their initial "must-have" list. They speak of mutual support, having each other's back, being a true team, sharing deep trust and common values, and being loved unconditionally for exactly who they are. They want to feel cherished and adored – yet these deeper qualities often don't make it onto their dating criteria.

In fact, when we interview couples who have maintained loving relationships for over 30 years, their insights reveal exactly what makes a relationship thrive long-term. These couples consistently emphasize the importance of authenticity – being able to be completely themselves with each other from day one. They speak of unwavering mutual respect and trust that never diminishes over time. Rather than viewing their relationship as a 50/50 split, they approach it as 100/100, with both partners giving their all while maintaining their individual autonomy. They cherish having both shared activities and independent pursuits, understanding that personal space strengthens their bond rather than threatening it.

When approaching relationships with a limited focus on initial attraction, we leave the rest of the relationship not to divine fate, but to our default beliefs about relationships. This is why we often see people repeating the same patterns over and over again, where each new relationship seems identical to the last, with only the partner's name changing.

As relationships progress, you begin to learn how your partner handles stress and how they treat you during difficult moments. You discover how you communicate during disagreements and how you resolve conflicts together. Most importantly, you see if they remain consistent with who they appeared to be at the beginning. These aspects of relationship development are crucial, yet many people spend little time envisioning or manifesting these qualities in their future partner.

To truly know what you want in love, you must envision the entire relationship, not just the first few exciting months. What will an ordinary Saturday look like in 10 years? What kinds of conversations will you have over a typical Wednesday evening dinner? Will you still laugh together? Will you feel supported when talking about the things that bother you? What will you have built together—a community, a family, a business, a home?

Imagine a year passing, and you consistently feel like your partner's priority. They discuss their plans and any trips apart with you because you're a team. You have space to be alone when needed, without jealousy or questioning, because there's such deep security and trust. They make you feel loved, always (as you do them), and you exist in a state of peace within yourself. There is no doubt that you are each other's person.

Consider these deeper aspects: How do you complement each other, both in your similarities and differences? How do you support each other's individual needs? How do you handle conflict in a positive, supportive way? Does your relationship continue growing beyond what you initially imagined? These feelings of ease might seem foreign compared to past relationships or what you witnessed growing up, but embracing this tranquility allows you to focus on personal growth rather than relationship anxiety.

Your shared values, combined with your beautiful differences, should create a life of remarkable depth and meaning. Long-term, successful couples we interview emphasize the importance of evolving together rather than growing apart. They learn to truly listen and ensure their partner feels heard and seen, setting aside their egos when addressing challenges. Most importantly, they maintain a genuine interest in each other's perspectives, remaining open to learning from one another throughout their journey together. This continuous growth and connection creates the kind of love that inspires others. They expand each other's horizons, challenge each other to grow, and provide unwavering support through life's inevitable ups and downs. These may be some of the qualities to consider when manifesting your partner.

Once you truly know what you want—what you're really looking for—creating that ideal relationship becomes much easier. Your energy shifts as you recognize what's possible and what you'll accept in a partner. Those who aren't ready for this level of relationship naturally step aside, making space for those who align with your values and aspirations. It won't matter where you meet or whether it's through a dating app or in person; when you have this level of clarity, the right person will recognize your energy and respond to it.

Of course, we encourage you to include those initial attractions like chemistry and banter in your vision. But remember that with the right person—someone whose future you can envision and who proves themselves through actions—genuine chemistry will most likely be there too and deepen over time. This chemistry becomes more meaningful because it's built on a foundation of trust, respect, and shared values.

Now it's time to create the kind of relationship you've admired in others—the one that allows you to build a future together. When you can feel what it's like to be with someone who aligns with your complete vision, you'll recognize them when they appear. And they'll recognize you, too, because they, like you, have been envisioning their own perfect loving, long-term relationship. They have been envisioning you.

The energy you bring to dating shifts dramatically when you have this fuller vision of what you want. Instead of getting caught up in the superficial aspects of early dating, you'll be able to recognize whether someone has the potential for the kind of deep, lasting connection you're seeking. You'll find yourself naturally drawn to people who share your values and vision for the future, while easily releasing connections that don't align with your deepest desires.

Ready to get serious about attracting the perfect-for-you love of your life? Download our FREE Guidebook: Launching Into Love, and begin an exciting journey toward a whole new level of love. This workbook will help you clarify not only what you want in those exciting early stages, but also the deeper qualities that create lasting, meaningful relationships. It's time to manifest the kind of love you've always dreamed of—one that grows stronger and more beautiful with each passing year.

With love and support,

Kim and Roger

Manifestationship Coaches

Get Our FREE Guidebook