Don't Let One Missing Piece Be the Whole Puzzle

What's your one non-negotiable in love? We all have one; that thing we swear we'll never compromise on again.

When we look back on past relationships, we often fixate on the one thing that hurt the most—the deal breaker, the non-negotiable, the thing we swear we'll never tolerate again. And so, when we move forward, we make sure that this time we get what we didn't have before.

And sometimes, we do.

But here's the part we don't always see right away: One thing does not make a whole relationship.

I learned this in a deeply personal way.

After the death of my beloved, Jim, I was shattered. Losing him so suddenly changed the way I saw love, relationships, and security. When I eventually started dating again, I had one unshakable desire: I needed someone who wasn't going anywhere. Not just emotionally—I meant physically. No hopping on planes, no long road trips without me. I had already lost someone to a car accident in the unpredictability of life, and the thought of loving someone who traveled frequently, who might be here one moment and gone the next, was unbearable.

And I got exactly what I asked for.

The man I found was steady. He didn't leave. He stayed.

"Staying is not the same as living"

But what I didn't realize at the time was that staying is not the same as living. While I had been so focused on avoiding loss, I hadn't stopped to think about what kind of life I actually wanted to build. I hadn't asked myself: Is this a life I can truly thrive in? Is this fulfilling? I had chosen someone based on my fear of the past rather than a clear, comprehensive vision of my future.

This pattern plays out in countless ways. One woman we worked with was devastated by a past betrayal. In her next relationship, she made absolute fidelity her priority. She got it. But what she didn't realize was that this partner, while loyal, lacked the emotional depth, humor, and connection she truly craved.

Another client of ours sought excitement—someone fun, spontaneous, and full of life. She found exactly that. But she didn't realize until later that her partner's "fun-loving" nature extended beyond their relationship. He was having just as much excitement—with others—behind her back.

In every case we witness, the lesson remains: Love is never just about one thing.

Through my own reflection and growth, I discovered something profound: I had always focused on the one thing missing from my previous relationship, making that my priority in the next. But life has a way of imparting wisdom upon us through unexpected paths. With Jim, I got lucky—receiving more than I ever knew to ask for. This taught me to look at love more holistically. Later, when I met Roger, I understood that true fulfillment comes not from fixing what was missing before, but from building something new and complete.

What I discovered was that a truly fulfilling relationship meant someone who accepts me fully as I am, while together we expand each other's horizons. I yearned for laughter and fun, deep, meaningful conversations, and genuine friendship. I wanted to build a thriving community together, to explore nature's beauty, to appreciate art, and to share a belief in something greater than ourselves. Most importantly, I wanted a partnership where kindness, respect and patience prevail, where we support each other's growth wholeheartedly, creating a strong "we" while honoring each other's autonomy.

This clarity came from pausing and taking the necessary time to reflect after that previous relationship. As I began to examine my patterns, I started to understand that my choices weren't random—they were direct results of what I thought I needed at the time. This awareness became invaluable, allowing me to approach love not from a place of fear, but from a place of knowing what truly fulfills me.

Before opening your heart to love again, take time to reflect on your past relationships. Consider these questions with gentle curiosity:

• What initially drew you to your past partners? What predominant traits were present?

• What were the main reasons these relationships ended?

• Did you get what you thought you wanted?

• What does a truly fulfilling relationship look like for you?

Write your answers without judgment, simply with curiosity. Patterns will emerge, and with them greater self-awareness and clarity. Because when we approach love with awareness—not just reaction—we create the possibility of something truly fulfilling.

"Love is never just one thing. It's a thousand little pieces, coming together in harmony"

So be mindful of what you ask for. You just might get it.

Written by Kim Bajorek

Manifestationship®️ Coach

Helping people create authentic, fulfilling relationships through conscious awareness and intentional growth